On the top of a dark and distant mountain,
there is a beautiful and talented woman
who uses her unique skills of baking, sculpting, and sewing
to create delicious confections
and hauntingly disturbing decor.
She finds beauty in the art of darkness with each creation
and shares them with us, the unusual creatures
she has taken into her home.
Join us in her delightfully dark world.
Welcome to The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell.
Rose.
FREAKS
Uh, Rose?
Rose?
Good morning.
Rose?
Did you eat all of that chocolate?
Maybe.
Well, I hope you saved room for something I made.
- Are you still hungry? - What is it?
Some coffee cake.
Ooh, blueberry muffin.
What the...?
Whoa.
Is this what you were doing yesterday?
It was! I found this funny coffee pot at a tag sale,
and it gave me this idea to make my very own coffee pot cake.
How did you make the cake look like that?
Easy! I'll show you.
Nothing compliments coffee better than cake.
COFFEE PERCOLATOR CAKE
So today, using blueberry pound cake, and buttercream frosting,
I'm going to be making a coffee cake in the shape
of a coffee dispenser.
So, the first thing you do is create a support
that is going to hold your cake securely.
Because this cake is so top-heavy, I'm supporting it with a wooden dowel rod.
My trick is to stack the unfrosted cake
so you can actually carve away,
until you get the curvature and shape that you desire.
Cutting away at these layers before stacking is a great way to prevent
excessive crumbs in your buttercream.
Next, you're going to take your cake and begin stacking it onto your support,
frosting it with buttercream between each layer.
Until you build up a shape that you're happy with.
Then you'll frost the entire cake in a thick layer of buttercream.
You can start carving away at that delicately,
to get the really refined details.
Using an offset spatula, gently carve downward and evenly
to give the cake a smooth exterior.
So ideally, I would like this to look as
much like hammered copper when I'm done with it.
So, to prep for that, once I have the cake perfectly smooth,
I'm going to use this rounded sculpting tool
to essentially divot all over the smooth finished cake.
And that, hopefully, once painted,
will give a very realistic appearance.
Any bake supply shop should have metallic edible paints
that, when mixed with a little bit of vodka or other alcohol,
turn into a magical liquid.
Remember, it's always best to keep the brush moist without
having too much paint on it,
as this can cause dripping onto areas of your cake you don't want painted.
And it allows the paint to dry evenly.
What I've done is baked off molasses cookies
for the handle, the spout,
and the feet, painted them black...
and then attached them to the cake using royal icing.
So now, what I have is some black royal icing
and a parchment pastry bag,
and I'm going to go in and just do some fine detailing
to add to the luxury.
Try to keep your hand as steady as possible.
It might be helpful to practice on a piece of cardboard,
or something upright to help master this skill.
It's not that hard. Just takes a little practice.
And that's how I made it.
Someone's here. I'll get it!
Ugh.
- You okay there? - Wait for me.
I'm coming.
Mr. Ketcham. What a lovely surprise.
What can I do for you this morning?
Well, you...
you can have
whatever the hell that thing is put to sleep.
Oh, yeah?
You know that I... Whoa. Uh, sugar cra...
That thing has been digging up my garden, knocking over my trash cans, and...
and abusing my poor garden gnome, Mr. Grumbles,
in ways that I can only describe as depraved and disgusting!
I am very sorry to hear about your garden,
but I am sure that anything that happened between Rose and Mr. Gramble...
Grumbles!
Was consensual.
What can I say?
I have a weakness for small men...
with large...
hats.
That's not the only problem.
What are all the strange noises coming from this house at night?
I haven't been able to sleep all week.
Okay, well, that is truly unfortunate.
Won't you come in and stay awhile?
I'd love to discuss the matter over coffee.
Make yourself at home. I'll be back in just a jiff.
Hey, baby. You miss me?
Who's my boo?
Yeah, that's you, my boo.
Is he being good to you?
I know how to be good.
Hey, Edgar.
- Say hello to the neighbor. - Ahh.
Ssh-y time.
There we go. Go to sleep.
Take him to the basement.
And don't hurt the gnome!
Poor Mr. Ketcham, not being able to sleep.
I think that earns him a nice big slice.
What else could this use?
Ah! Sugar.
Thank you, Millie.
Mr. Ketcham?
Rose?
Edgar?
Where did everyone go?
Why are you here?
- What do you want with Christine? - Oh gosh, send...
It's no use, this lady ain't talking.
He's not a lady. And he's not making any sense.
Let's kill him already.
I do suppose it's the only way to get him to stop upsetting Christine...
permanently.
Yeah. And it gives us something fun to do today!
Rose? Rankle?
Edgar?
Oh, we're down here.
Ow! Hey! Why did you bite me?
Quiet! She'll hear us.
Well, shouldn't we at least get permission first?
Don't be such a goody-goody!
Christine doesn't mind, as long as we clean our mess.
That's not entirely true.
Why else would that chart be up over there?
8 DAYS SINCE LAST FATALITY 2 DAYS UN TIL NEXT REWARD
It says if we make it two more days, we get banana splits.
Zip it! Bernard, I'll find another way to get you a banana split.
Either way,
I think this can be done
without getting caught.
Okay.
You two think of a fun way to off this guy,
and I'll go make sure she stays upstairs.
Just keep that gag in his mouth.
And don't touch his nipples.
Those are mine.
Good luck, Rose! And make sure not to tell Christine what we're doing!
You were the runt of your litter, weren't you?
How'd you know?
Well... you're runty.
Shh!
Rose, there you are.
What happened to Mr. Ketcham?
Oh.
Um... he, uh...
he left!
Yeah! That's right.
I don't know why.
I don't think people like us.
Well, I think the neighbors are starting to turn into an issue.
Well, if you want me and Rankle to go kill them in their sleep,
burn their houses, I could do that.
It's inventive.
I was thinking something that might win them over and not
drive down property value?
So, I'm going to make some homemade gift crates.
Yeah. I guess you could do that, too.
Where's Rankle and Edgar?
I'm sure they would love doing this. This is a really fun group project.
Umm...
They went to the cemetery!
Yeah.
Edgar was gonna get you flowers.
And Rankle was all, like,
"I'm gonna raise the dead and I'm
gonna taunt them, by
boring them with stories of Egypt."
Well, since you're here, do you mind helping?
With what?
Well, I'm gonna make
- hot cocoa jars... - Mm-hmm.
- Homemade candied apples... - Mm-hmm.
And some candles.
Ooh! I'll help with the hot wax.
I thought you might like that.
Winning someone over with a gift is a great opportunity to get
really creative.
Who's she talking to?
So today, I'm gonna put my own sinister twist on a classic gift basket.
Who the hell are you talking to?
SCARY FACED CANDLES
So, I would say I'm very much an amateur candlemaker.
But I think I figured out a really fun way to make them at home,
kind of on the cheap.
So, with a paper towel core, aluminum foil, some paraffin wax,
and a little bit of a wick, you'll be able to make candles at home,
and you can even scent them using things like cinnamon, nutmeg...
mostly stuff you'll have around the house.
So, the very first step
is taking a little bit of foil,
get it flipped to the length
that you want your candle. Flip it over to the smooth side.
And then create a secure base.
So, now you'll end up with a base, and you can very easily...
remove the mold.
And it should be almost ready for pouring.
Taking some sort of tine or needle,
puncture a very small hole, thread through the wick,
tie a tight little knot.
Now, you have a perfect candle mold
with a wick that's going to be perfectly centered.
Now, these may leak a little bit,
but that's the fun that comes with doing things homemade.
That's nice, but get to the wax!
So, the first step is to bring your wax to a completely liquid state,
then I recommend letting it thicken for about ten minutes.
That way, when you pour it into the mold, it'll set much faster.
I think this is just about ready.
So, starting by making a barrier,
pour in only a little bit at first.
And just continue until you reach the top.
Okay.
So, this one's completely set.
I've left it alone to harden for about two hours,
which is just about the perfect amount of time.
And there, you have a homemade candle.
So, for my candles, I wanted a two-tone effect,
And so now I'm going to heat up some white paraffin wax,
which I then scented with vanilla, to coat the outer surface.
So, when I carve into this candle,
I'll be able to create an interesting silhouette
which you'll see in just a moment.
Hot-cha, hot-cha.
A homemade candle.
Once this cools down, we'll be ready to carve a face.
So, there's a variety of things you can do to carve a face that you like.
You can add more wax and build up facial features,
or like I'm going to do today,
you can just carve out essentially a jack-o'-lantern face.
So, I picked up these sculpting tools just at the local hobby store,
and I found them useful for all sorts of things around the house.
So, I'll come back and finish the mouth, because this does take a little time,
but I will show you a really neat trick
for adding an interesting texture to your candle.
Taking a fork,
gently drag it down and scrape the outer layer of wax,
so it resembles tree bark.
So, the scoring technique adds a really interesting texture,
and gives your candle a lot of character.
I think that candle came out pretty darn neat-looking.
What do you think, Rose?
Rose?
Where did that other pot of wax go?
Quit squirming, little lady, this'll all be over soon.
Hey, maybe we should drown her?
I'd rather not get wet.
My skin gets rather mildew-y and falls off my bones.
Yeah, uh-huh.
Or we could hook her up to some electrical equipment
and see what happens?
He would make a marvelous scratching post,
- starting with his eyes. - Ahh.
Um, yeah, I don't want to do anything that involves a lot of blood.
You wouldn't like what happens to me when I'm around...
blood.
Aw, I can smell it in her veins.
- So warm. So fresh. - Ahh.
Hey, guys, I'm back!
And I got a plan for those sassy little nipples.
- Ooh, this could be fun. - Yeah.
- What have you guys been up to? - Not much.
I sketched some plans for a device that can make this
a very interesting project, filled with hours of fun,
but this one doesn't want to do anything involving blood.
What? Let me see those.
These look good. Bernard, get to work!
Ahh!
Rose? Where are you?
I could still use a hand.
Good thing she only needs one. Okay,
Edgar, you keep an eye on this weasel and Rankle, you supervise Bernard.
I don't take orders from remedial road kill.
That said, events are already in motion.
Fine.
You know, I'm not usually in favor of exercise for any reason,
but after climbing these stairs all day, I think I'm starting to feel an ab.
No, wait.
That's the box of truffles I ate earlier.
Okay. Bye.
You know, most people choose not to eat the actual box!
No wonder we can't recycle anything around here.
So, now we're going to make
peppermint bark that is going to go on top of some hot cocoa jars that we're making.
It should be pretty f...
Rose? Where have you been?
You wanna help me finish these jars, or at least just watch?
How long will that take?
Pretty quick, it's like the fastest thing in the crate.
Then I love 'em!
PEPPERMINT BARK HORNS
So, as I was saying, I'm going to create these cute little horns
that are actually peppermint bark,
using candy canes that are heated in the oven.
Perfect.
So you keep these in the oven for about five minutes.
I think I do about 325.
And what you want...
is this,
something that bends and moves.
And it's hot, so watch your fingers.
You can make...
all sorts of shapes with candy canes.
You can make trees, octopus legs,
probably just about anything.
Oh.
And once it sets, and you coat it in chocolate,
it's going to taste amazing.
Hey, so, can you make a worm?
Yes.
- Can you make snakes? - You can make anything.
Can you make an umbrella?
Yeah.
- Can you make a model of the Eiffel Tower? - Of course.
Can you make a working model of the space station?
Not a very effective one.
Can you make a knife?
Can you make a shiv?
Can you make a bullet?
- A Mexican passport? - Rose!
- What are you thinking? - Okay.
Can you make a cigarette?
- No. - Wow.
That's cool.
Now that I've molded this candy cane into the shape of a horn,
I think this one's ready to be dipped in chocolate.
And now you can let it set for ten minutes.
So, to get the ridges on the horns, here's a quick simple method.
Parchment bag filled with the melting chocolate.
And there you have a finished piece of peppermint bark.
I'll be affixing these to the tops of little jars I filled
with equal parts confectioners' sugar,
granulated sugar,
dark cocoa,
specialty chocolate chunks, and marshmallows.
When mixed with hot milk, this will make a delicious
glass of hot chocolate and the perfect thing to stir it with.
What do you think, Rose?
Those came out awesome.
- You think so? - Yeah.
Hey, so, can I go back downstairs?
Bernard was in the middle of telling me the funniest story, so I'm just gonna...
Well, I was just about to make the chocolate chip cookies with the eyes.
- Fine, I'll stay. - Awesome.
CREEPY CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES
So now,
I'll show you how to make the creepiest chocolate chip cookies you'll ever see.
BLEND EYEBALL INTO CREEPY COOKIE
The first step
is how to properly prepare
the dough before going into the oven.
Most recipes call for mixing everything together,
getting a wadded-up ball, sticking it in the oven.
But the problem with that is the chocolate chips disappear.
So, what I like to do, is follow the tradition,
but once the balls are formed on your cookie sheet,
take individual morsels, and place them about,
kind of like a little chocolate porcupine.
So, fresh out of the oven,
take a sculpting tool,
and make a little impression.
And this will create a cavity for your eyeball.
Then take some modeling chocolate, roll it into a little ball.
And then using powder paints that are edible...
paint on little tiny irises,
pupils, and eye detail.
That can now be dropped into the cookie.
So, your next step is the fun part,
making a little bit of royal icing and tinting it with edible paints,
to match the lightest part of the cookie.
We are going to pipe on an eyelid.
And this doesn't have to be too perfect.
You can use a brush
with a little bit of water,
and blend it into the cookie, so it sort of becomes seamless,
and looks like it was baked into the cookie.
And at this point,
hopefully it's starting to have a little bit of an expression.
But we still have a bottom eyelid to do.
If you want your eye to look menacing, bring the bottom eyelid close to the
top lid to give it a more sinister look.
Just be creative.
As you piece together the bottom eyelid, you should really start to see
the final expression come through.
And there you go.
Now, all that's left to do is put a little bit of clear piping gel...
over the white of the eye and it should look pretty real.
- What do you think, Rose? - Uh, looks good.
What's wrong? You okay?
Oh, yeah. I was just thinking.
What about?
Well,
you know how much I love chocolate, and brutally inhumane torture techniques.
You know, stuff like that.
I love how diverse your interests are.
Yeah.
- Okay, I gotta go this time. - Before you go,
would you mind helping me
fill this crate with all the delicious treats that we've made?
- It'll be fun. - Fine, I'll help you!
Okay.
I think I'm just about done.
A few finishing touches. What do you think?
You know you can buy stuff like that.
I mean, you could buy all of this.
Uh...
but it's, you know, it's the joy of making stuff with your own hand...
What was that?
I hope Bernard didn't get a hold of Foo Foo again.
Mr. Ketcham's Shih Tzu is always nosing around the yard.
Oh, that's not the sound Foo Foo makes.
You know what I bet it is?
I bet it's stupid Rankle chasing his tail again.
Classic cat behavior.
Um,
- I think I better go down to the basement. - Please don't.
Tell me more about the joy of making something with your own hands!
You know, what's missing is more details.
I just want more details, Christine.
I don't know enough as it is.
Christine, don't go down there!
What is going on down here?
- Let me out of this thing! - Mr. Ketcham?
Aw man, you guys started without me.
You guys are awful.
Uh, it wasn't my idea. These two made me do it.
I've got to say, it's really heart-warming seeing all of you
working together for once.
Uh-uh!
So, I like the weighted blade.
Aw thanks, I conceptualized it.
But the blade isn't secured properly.
What?
My designs are beyond reproach.
If anything is wrong, it's because that babbling behemoth
over there in the corner is illiterate.
Alright, I'm gonna help you all.
- Yeah. - But safety first.
Now let's see how this thing works.
Yeah.
And there.
I smell pee.
- Not bad. - No!
- What the...? - All right. You've had your fun.
Do you really wanna push those banana splits back a week?
You are not the Christine I once knew.
Not entirely. I do think we should kill him.
- Oh, yeah! - There she is!
With kindness.
Oh, that takes so long.
Mr. Ketcham, I apologize for this little misunderstanding.
Misunderstanding?
You were all trying to kill me!
Untie me this minute!
Here, I'll help!
I am going to report this
den of horrors to the police!
And to the FBI!
And...
and I am keeping this ball gag!
Boo.
Not for myself,
but for my... For friends!
Well, that lady got real worked up.
Mr. Ketcham.
So nice for you to finally stop by for a visit.
I was kidnapped!
Oh, I'm sorry about that, and for the attempted murder.
Can I make it up to you with a gift?
You think a gift basket is going to make up for trying to kill me?
- Well, I made them for all the neighbors. - Yeah.
Here, try a candied apple.
- This is insanity! - You should try one.
Try one or I'll put it in your belly the hard way.
Yeah, now.
Mister Grumbles!
Mr. Ketcham,
here's a little penicillin.
There's no telling where that ball gag's been.
Ball gag?
After all your hard work, she didn't even say thank you.
Yeah.
What are you going to do? Who wants ice cream?
- Ooh! Yeah! - Me!
Yeah!